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Awkward moments of profound wisdom.

Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.

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  2010.03.31  11.27
Hey there.

I've been in Tokyo for about a week now. So much to see and do. My feet hurt so much, but it is well worth it.

 
 

(I Object!!!)



 
  2010.02.07  03.05
Don't wake me, I plan on sleeping.

There is this guy at my job. A coworker of mine refers to him as our boss. The funny thing is that the guy who used to be in this "boss" position, I did view as my boss, but not this guy who is currently in the position. Why? Because, the job he has is more like an office assistant now, and he doesn't know shit about what I do at work. To me, you can't be my manager if you can't properly manage what I do. I know I sound like a douche bag, but it annoys me when someone tells me how I should be doing things when they don't understand what I'm doing, the skills and techniques involved, etc.

I also hate it when people use business talk with me, if you're in the office and talking to clients/vendors, I understand, but that sort of stuff is completely unnecessary with me. When I'm busy at work, I just want anyone who has something to tell me to say it as plainly as possible. No extra big fancy words, just straightforward information. Sometimes, I think that the managers at my job like to use their business vernacular with the studio staff to make themselves seem smarter. Just because I'm wearing an apron does not mean that I'm uneducated. It means that I don't have time to have a half hour conversation about something that needs to get done NOW.

Lots of stuff is in motion. Quitting my job, going to Vegas with my friends, going on my honeymoon, new hobbies, constantly cleaning. I'm thinking about going back to school. Doing the whole art school/artisan career thing was cool for awhile, but I really need a grown up job for the life that I want to live. I'd still do my hobbies, it's just that I would have a pay check that wouldn't have me concerned about being responsible enough.  I wish I had a four day work week. Three day weekends are so relaxing and productive for me.

 
 

(I Object!!!)



 
  2010.01.01  23.25
Another chapter begins.

Hey. Happy New Year!

I've spent the past week having a wonderful time with my husband at our place in Toronto. Other than that, I've been planning the new moves I'm going to make this year, both literal and figurative. I've been going through the Canadian immigration package they sent the hubby. There is a ton of reading to do. I figure I'll read the stuff for him (sponsor) and stuff for me (immigrant) because it'll be easier for me to know exactly what has to be done by the both of us. I also got a book from one of my friends called How to Move to Canada. So much reading to go through. It will probably be pre bed time reading. I am currently rereading the Sandman series during my commutes to work on the subway.

A few days of this past week was spent planning out our honeymoon. We are planning to go to Japan in March. We were making a list of all the places we wanted to go to dork out. Aside from the SHOPPING, we are hoping to check out the Ghibli Museum, the Iga-Ryu Ninja Museum, the National Science Museum and making a trip to Kobe to see the Gigantor statue. The planning went along smoothly on my brand spankin' new Mac mini setup given to me for Fishmas by the hubby. It's pretty sweet and I hate the thought of leaving it. =( It was so sad because when he presented me with my present, I didn't have anything for him. I tried getting him his gift back in New York, but was pretty much told to suck it. I did end up getting him two presents during the week and am on the hunt for a third.

I also have spent a ridiculous amount of time reading dannychoo.com. This guy is my new hero. I've been reading his motivational articles and have started to make plans for what I'm going to do in Canada and the rest of my life for an occupation. I've taken a few small steps toward the direction I want to take. Even thinking of taking a few classes here and there to learn and gain some more techniques/resources/contacts. When I get back to New York, I will be on a full on rampage of cleaning and making stuff.

Since we're planning on going to Japan in March, I'm also essentially prepared to quit my job a month before the trip. As of now, I get 3 vacation days to request for time off. It may not sound like a lot, but where I work we get every holiday and one week in August and one week in December off. So in that respect the job is good. In a whole slew of other respects, it is not. After working for 2 years, I am supposed to get 5 days of vacation. However, we've been in a weird situation at work where sometimes the company spends more than it takes in during a month and I have no idea how they manage. Because of this situation, I'm not sure they will give me the 3 more paid days off. I do have an advantage in that there are not a lot of gilders running around. So, I'm going to ask them if I should just hand in my notice or do they want to take me back after a month away. I really don't know what they are going to say or do. Regardless, I'm going to leave that job one day. If it happens to be sooner, at least I'll be able to hang out with my sis and live it up in New York until I move. It will also give me a lot of time to clean up all the junk that I have at my parents' house.

I don't have any real resolutions for this new year. Just the same goals that I've always have been after. Well, if I do have one resolution it's to learn how to manage my time better.

Cheers everyone!

 
 

(I Object!!!)



 
  2009.11.17  21.13
Uncertainty



Woot! I met Joseph Gordon-Levitt last week at a showing of his latest film Uncertainty. He seemed so shy when I asked him if I could get a picture. I know it's bad, but I think I stole him away from the current group of people that was talking to him. In my mind, I saved him from bad conversation and awkward moments. One guy asked him what it was like to go from Ten Things I Hate About You to this. His reply was, "I don't know, how does it feel." It just seemed so awkward because he's done a lot of things since Ten Things. That movie was ten years ago. Me and my sis told him he was great and shook his hand. This was the first time in a long time that I felt excited about meeting someone. I had the shaky legs as we made our way out of the theater. Our awesome friend Johanna took the picture for us on her camera. Thank god, because I did not have mine.

 
 

(2 objections |I Object!!!)



 
  2009.09.27  22.23
Days gone by.

This weekend, I finally finished a dress that I have been working on for more than a year. For some reason, my projects have taken longer and longer to finish. It has easily gone from months into years. However, this one is done and I only feel a mild sense of completion. Maybe because I no longer feel connected to it. My style and tastes have changed so much from when I started that dress. Years ago, I'd start something and work on it obsessively until it was finished. Now, not so much. I think that the main reason that I'd stayed away from really complex projects for fear of never finishing or resurfacing from it.

I have to learn how to become more efficient and get rid of that mental block.

 
 

(I Object!!!)



 
  2009.09.24  09.07
Has it come to this?

For more than a year, I've stopped writing regularly. It occurred to me that I kept writing about the same things. I even thought of finding my old entries and then making an entry linking to the old one with a revision. With moving within the next year, I feel like I'm on this giant countdown timer to get all the things I've always meant to do, done. Whether it was finally making that jacket I've been thinking about for the last year, cleaning out my art supplies, or learning how to sole that pair of shoes sitting in my drawer for the last three years.

Even though, I don't have that many friends here, they are my best friends and I'm slowly worming around my schedule to make sure I hang out as much as possible before leaving. 

I've never realized how much crap I've amassed from all my years of living.

 
 

(I Object!!!)



 
  2009.09.13  03.15
Wee!

I got married last Sunday! Since I don't have any photos of my own (all with the photographer at this moment), the only way I can illustrate how I felt that day is with this video:


Aside from that, it was a very small ceremony attended by my family (mom, dad and sis) and P's family (mum, dad and bro). It was super sweet and perfect.



 
 

(7 objections |I Object!!!)



 
  2009.08.25  13.45
Things left to do.

  1. Confirm the number of people attending.
  2. Confirm who is staying in what room at the inn.
  3. Confirm the number of fish and chicken entrees/dietary restrictions/wine selections.
  4. Decide on which wedding vows to use.
  5. Try my ring on my chubby finger to check that it fits.
  6. Buy a sound dock for the ipod.
  7. Look for my good stockings and garter belt.
  8. Cut out fabric to make a mini top hat to hand sew while in Toronto. (plus bring ribbon!)
Everything seems to be moving very quickly and very slowly at the same time.

Originally, I was planning on wearing heels, but now I think cute, comfy flats are the way to go.


 
 

(I Object!!!)



 
  2009.08.09  00.21
bLARG

A little after this year started, they cut the hours at my job. No big deal, it was the only way they would be able to pay us on payday. The few paydays before this announcement, they would tell us that there was not enough money and that they would pay us as soon as they could. I have to admit, it was pretty sweet getting up late and leaving early. 10-4. I got to eat breakfast with my sister and I'd fix her a cup of tea. Leaving work earlier was great because the trains were not so crowded and I'd exercise before making dinner when I got home.

We recently had a sale and now all of these orders are due. So, everyone working the tail end of production had their hours bumped back up until everything can get done. It's been one week so far and I've been so tired.

I love and hate my job so much. I love what I do, but I hate that I can't make a decent living doing it. Why is there no respect for craftspeople? I don't expect to be a millionaire by gilding, but at least $20 and hour would be nice.

It;s funny to hear the management (3 people) at work talk about how the economy sucks so much when my boss (while saying that they're not expensive) spends $55 on a single wooden air vent cover (purchased 6), says his trainer made him run around Central Park, and bought around 50 chickens for his farm property.

I get so mad that these people running the show are playing with my life, but at the same time, I enjoy gilding and the rest of my coworkers are awesome as hell. I've lost the perspective that tells me where this job falls on the ladder of all the jobs I've had. Am I at the top rung or are there a few more steps to climb?

 
 

(I Object!!!)



 
  2009.05.03  00.25
The smell of dried blood.

Friday was my dad's 64th birthday. As a present, sis and I went with him to Sam Ash on Saturday morning. The plan was that he would pick out a guitar and an amp and we'd pick up the tab. But, once we got there we all got insane and giddy. So on top of the two items, he also picked out a guitar stand to hold two guitars and a soft case that has straps like a back pack. The bonus was that the guy at the store let him have a cable to connect the guitar and amp and a strap for free. It was funny because when my dad asked if he could get a deal on getting the guitar and amp together, he quoted a good price, but my dad held the strap and cable and asked, "what about these?" The guy was winding the cord up telling my dad that he'd let him have the cord and that it was just between them and a strap? what strap? I've never even heard of a strap... We put the freebies into one of the pockets of the case.

We got him a candy apple red Fender with a whammy bar. I don't think I've ever seen my dad display such a unabashed child-like happiness. And he hasn't even play it yet! I'm going to see if I can help clear out the basement so that there is room for the new stuff. It'll be a good prod to get rid of some of the junk that just sits around there.

Other than that, life has been going on as usual. Work every day is repetitive, but comforting in its boredom.

Sis and I have been making a real effort to try new restaurants instead of going to the same old places out of fear of having a bad meal. I should be taking pictures so that I could turn my craft blog into a dining one, or at the very least give me more material to write about. Speaking of crafting, I haven't been doing anything for weeks. I have two projects that have been started and are sadly sitting around. I don't think I'll ever craft on a daily basis until I get a new place where I can organize an area for all my schtuff.

On the wedding front, I've bought my dress. It's not a "wedding gown" because I would just feel too awkward wearing one. A typical wedding dress is the epitome of everything I would never wear. My sis told me I looked adorable when I tried my fabulous frock on. All I have to do now is practice my hairstyle and lose 20-30 pounds. I have four months.

 
 

(I Object!!!)



 
  2009.04.26  01.37


I really wish I was watching the Lord of the Rings movies right now.

 
 

(I Object!!!)



 
  2009.02.08  22.14


Sometimes it's a bad idea too look up your graduating class from high school on Facebook. You find out all sorts of stuff like people getting married and others having kids and it makes you feel old...especially when you find pictures from the ten year reunion that you wanted to have no part of. Yikes. Is it weird that I still feel like such a little kid most of the time? I mean... I'm getting married later this year and that always seemed like super official grown up time to me, but I still feel like an awkward, lame high school kid most of the time, just minus the constant angst. The angst has rolled itself into crotchety old lady annoyance these days.

Other than, I bought a Wii a few weeks back and have been playing almost every spare moment. I have to force myself to do other things like cooking dinner and taking a shower. In addition to the Wii Fit, I recently bought a mini-golf game and this outdoor life game that came with a floor mat. Remember the Nintendo power pad back in the day? This is the updated version I can actually own because I bought it myself instead of having to beg my parents for toys. Being a grown up does have some advantages, eh?

 
 

(2 objections |I Object!!!)



 
  2009.01.20  14.46
Overwhelming...

I took the day off from work to watch the Inauguration at my parents' house (They have cable and I only have bunny ears at my house). It was so worth it. I dare say that for the first time in my life, I feel proud to be an American.

 
 

(I Object!!!)



 
  2009.01.02  21.57
Long story short.

Happy Gregorian New Year!

I have eaten sooo much food during the month of December. In the past, I've always managed to avoid the holiday overeating trap.

My downfall started at work when toward the beginning of the month, there were always cookies on top of the water cooler. Then someone gave my sister a box of chocolates for the holidays and she ended up giving them to me to bring to work because she would not be able to eat the entire box on her own. Not to shabby. For the break between Christmas and New Years weekend, I've been north in Toronto. My 12 days of Christmas, where I've eaten what I wanted and didn't worry to much about it. Now I can see the weight gain on my face ever so slightly. P doesn't see it, but he doesn't look into the mirror with the critical eye that I do. To get myself back into the rhythm of things, I've been jumping rope for an average of half and hour every day. My goal is to get in a full hour every day and then 10,000 jumps a day. When I get back to New York, it'll be back to the weight training. I've noticed that I've always seen the best results from exercise when I was lifting weights and really building muscle. Lately, I've gotten used to the weight I can lift and it's not much of a challenge. A month ago, I bought heavier dumbbells, so hopefully I'll be seeing results again.

In another attempt to control my over snacking/bad eating, I'm going to try and cook/prepare meals for the week on the weekend.

My plan is to:
-shop at the supermarkets/fruit and veg stand in my parents' neighborhood where things are cheaper
-spend the whole day cooking or preparing meals

This will help me to have everything portioned out and ready to go whether it's prepped ingredients so that I can throw everything into a pan when I get home or have something premade to microwave at work so that I won't crave a hot meal on a cold day that leads me to buying expensive, unhealthy food. If I'm going to eat unhealthy stuff, it might as well be cost effective. =P But no, I kid, at least I'll know just how bad it'll be and can take that into account for my other meals. Another bonus of cooking in my parents' kitchen is that they have a bigger kitchen and they have stuff like eggs and flour that I never buy. This will also allow me to use the food containers I have stocked away.

Other than that:
P and I got engaged on Halloween night '08.
I went to Chicago in November and I'm itching to go back.
My maternal grandfather passed away in December. At the beginning of the year, 3 of my grandparents were alive. At the end of the year, 3 were deceased.

My current time occupiers are knitting and my DS Lite w/mini SD card reader full of games. Oh the games! I switch between Phoenix Wright: Justice for All and Nintendogs where I have a pug named Pistachio.

 
 

(I Object!!!)



 
  2008.10.18  01.06
Fumbling for change we can believe in.


Photobucket

My latest finished knitting project. (pic courtesy of my guy.)



This was fairly straight forward except for the numerous color changes. The changes on the sleeves were more challenging because all of my little balls of yarn were getting tangled up. I was able to give the sweater to the bf last weekend when I showed up for the Columbus/Canadian Thanksgiving weekend. I tried the sweater on before bringing it over. It got stuck over my head and it hurt when I pulled it over my face and off my head. For some reason, I tried stretching it out by hand and hoped that it would magically fix itself during the plane ride. The upsetting moment of it not fitting over his head came and even though I knew it wasn't going to fit, I still got upset. For a quick fix that didn't involve me bringing it back home to reknit the neck, I asked him if he had any chopsticks I could use. The neck was unbounded and the last row taken out to make sure I had enough yarn to bind off very loosely. After slowly working my way around knitting with the chopsticks, I finished and handed the sweater back to him. He let it sit on the bridge of his nose, freaking me out in the process, before comfortably pulling it over his face. My heart swelled. =D

The next big project is a bamboo sweater for the sis. After I make the chart for the image she wants on her sweater, it will be toiling away time.

 
 

(1 objection |I Object!!!)



 
  2008.10.04  00.09
I remixed the remix and got the original song.

When I was back in high school, I heard that when girls got boyfriends they stopped hanging out with their friends. Always being the friend, I couldn't understand how it would happen. While I'm not sure if I've found out why, I do know that I don't hang out with my friends as often as I used to. Part of me likes to think that this is also do to having a job rather than being in school.

Over the last couple of years, I've realized that if I don't work or live with someone, then I pretty much see them only a handful of times in a year. The only exception to this is my guy who I see every time there is a holiday or a weekend when we haven't seen each other for over a month and the next holiday is a little too far away. Most of the friends I have in real life, I've lost touch with because they don't email or know my lj. It's not that I hate when my friends call me, but I just feel so awkward talking to them because I can't read their faces or body language when we are talking.

There are three people offline that have some sort of hanging out situation with me. Two are people I really don't want to hang out with anymore and one is someone I do want to hang out with.

With the two I don't want to see anymore, it seems weird to just say, "I really don't think that us hanging out will be a fun experience anymore." So instead, I act like a dick and agree to hang out and then bail when it gets to the day or never reply and hope that the day passes without the person contacting me to ask what's up. The one I never set a firm date with always had this way of over talking with this pseudo intellectual babble about anything and everything and I no longer have the energy to entertain this person with some sort of fake agreement to avoid an argument. The person I actually set up meetings with is still cool by me, but is somewhat of a womanizer and the comments made during our conversations make me a little uncomfortable and, at times, exasperated.

The one person I actually want to hang out with more has their own life. Part of me feels weird to ask to hang out since previous attempts just kept on getting put off again and again. Ha ha, I'm probably like the two people I don't want to see for this person. There are opportunities to see this one more often, but it usually means being part of a larger group where I would be uncomfortable by the others there.

So all of this leads to one solution. I crawl into a cave where I knit and sell on ebay for the winter and come out when the season has changed. The bonus to this is that I would get to avoid all of the election stuff that has been making me more exhausted each day. I registered to vote, but my voter registration card hasn't come in yet and I'm afraid that I'll be screwed out of my chance.

 
 

(4 objections |I Object!!!)



 
  2008.10.02  00.02


Dear K, I miss your photographs.




I wish I was more productive with my time and got to see a few friends more often.

 
 

(3 objections |I Object!!!)



 
  2008.09.23  22.33
You should hang yourself!

On the work front:

We made the cover of House Beautiful for the month of October. E bought all of us a copy and told us that we did a good job. There are four pages with more lamps on the inside. I think there are a total of 5 in the magazine.

Last week, we made the New York Times style section for favorite items for fall. There was a mention of the lamp being on a gilt base being divine and a few coworkers teased me saying that my work had been mentioned.

On the life front:

I'm attending the second wedding of this year with P. Since I always wear the same dress, I decided to splurge and buy a new dress, actually two new dresses. I ordered them this past weekend.



I got this one in red.




Not sure which one I will end up wearing to the wedding, but that will be solved when I actually try them on.

 
 

(I Object!!!)



 
  2008.09.07  16.52
Doin' Time

Last week I got to spend 10 days with P. It was glorious. During that time, I got to surf the internet like it was 1998. I spent hours going through craft sites and book marking everything to my Kaboodle lists. It was the longest time I've spent not being in an aggravated state. Now it's just back to normal life. On this past visit, I gave P a sweater I had been working on for awhile.Collapse )

I'm already working on another sweater for P and my sis.

 
 

(4 objections |I Object!!!)



 
  2008.08.13  22.00


Photobucket


This is the new "toy" I bought when my old machine died. Initially, I ordered the lower version of this machine. A day or two after I placed my order, I got a phone call asking me if I still wanted the machine even thought they wouldn't be able to ship it right away. The night before I was looking at the one I got and asked them if it was okay for me to upgrade. It has a few extra features and I figured that my machine would last for at least 10 years and I wanted to make sure that I'd have everything I'd want in a machine if I was going to have it for a long time. It came with a bunch of feet, most importantly a zipper foot. Two things it came with that I wasn't expecting was a hard cover and an extension table. Sweet!

One of my favorite pair of shoes has a split in the sole going across the foot. For some reason, this made me think that I could fill these shoes with resin to make lasts for a comfy pair of shoes for myself. My shoe making interest has been reignited. This time, I am going to try and learn how to sole the shoes myself. Having to bring a pair to a cobbler to finish the shoes for me for an extra $75 more than all the costs I've spent to make the pair in the first place is just so unsatisfying. So far, I've found 2 books, one okay looking and the other amazing looking to help me in the pursuit of making the shoe entirely by myself. I'll probably get both books for myself with winter holiday money. A google search led me to this guy. He is amazing! I have two left over pair that need soling from the last time I took the shoe class. So I will try soling with one pair and keep the other as a visual aid for the construction of a shoe.

Other than that, I've been slowly trying to clean stuff up at my parents' house and gather all the stuff lying around to sell on ebay.

 
 

(I Object!!!)



 
  2008.07.24  23.03
The day that the world contained one less person in the world who I care about.

Last Thursday, 7/15/08, my 98 year old paternal grandmother passed away. I always called her, "pau pau." Making the sound of the beginning of the word pauper, but I've seen people phonetically write it as "po po." It was around 4:30 in the afternoon when my sister called me. She told me how she called my mom to ask her something and then my mom told her and started to babble on about what happened. My mom told her, but said that my dad was going to tell the both of us later in the day when we would meet for our usual Thursday night father/daughter dinner. My sis didn't feel that it was right for her to know something that important while I didn't. When she told me, it seemed like my ears went deaf right after I heard her say, "Pau pau passed away this morning." I can't remember what she said to me after that. I only remember saying, "Okay, okay, okay," to get her off of the phone with me. After we hung up, I instantly started crying at my work table. I sat there for less than five minutes before going into the locker/break room to be by myself and really cry without worrying about anyone seeing me and trying to talk to me. After about ten minutes, I pulled it together and went back to work. The rest of the stuff I had to do, I rushed through and ran out the door by 5. I went home laid down and cried before meeting my dad and sis for dinner. My dad told us that he was on his way to see her that morning and the hospice called him when he was on the road. When he got there and saw her, he got choked up. The only good thing was that she went in her sleep and she's not in any pain.

Friday was a weird day because the idea of her not being alive became this abstract idea in my head and I told myself that I accepted that she was gone. It was pretty normal that day except that I had to put proper clothes and shoes into my bag before going to my parents' house for the weekend. Saturday was like any other normal day.

Sunday started out normal except that we were going to a wake. We left the house around one to pick up my aunt and cousin. It was a pretty quite ride into Manhattan except for my mom's usual irritating babbling. We stopped at my pau pau's old apartment to pick up some clothes that were supposed to be put into the casket with her. We got to the funeral home at 2:30. When we were right outside, I told my sister that I felt nauseous. She said that she felt the same way. When my mom opened the door, I thought, "This is it." Panic hit me when I saw her name written outside of the viewing room. My brain said, "Oh no." We walked further in and saw all the chair and flowers in the room with her inside a casket at the very end. It felt so unreal and wrong. My sister went up before I did. By the time I got to her side, she was crying. I can't remember where my mom was. I just stood there with my sister looking at our pau pau laying there like she was sleeping in a purple suit. We both started to cry and ran to sit away from our pau pau. My aunt and cousin went up next to look at her. For a bit they seemed normal, but soon my aunt's shoulders started to shake and my cousin reached out and put his arm around his mom. They put black ribbons around our arms and a white flower in my aunts hair and green ones for my and my sis. After some discussion, they put a purple blanket on top of her lower half to cover her hands because they wanted to cover her hands because they were wrinkled. This was weird because she was 98 so she should have wrinkled hands. The viewing/service seemed to last for days. So many people came and payed their respects, shook our hands, etc. Most of them were members of my aunt's church. I tried not to look at my pau pau because every time I looked at her it was hard for me not to start crying again. I stared at everything possible, the floor, the podium, the people, the flowers. There wasn't a Buddhist ceremony because my pau pau agreed to be baptized a few months ago. I'm not sure if she did it because she believed, she was scared or she knew that it meant a lot to my aunt and cousin. I don't think my dad would have liked a Buddhist ceremony anyway because doesn't like stuff he views as pointless tradition. My cousin gave a speech before the pastors spoke. When the pastors gave their speeches, I was bothered that the one speaking in English referred to my pau pau as Ms. Chin, when her name was Ms. Chan. He also started talking less about her and more about trying to convert the unconverted in the room. I didn't like how he wasn't concentrating on talking about her because it seemed like he was using the opportunity for his own gain. Soon after the speeches, my cousin fell ill and was taken to a hospital. He had pain all along his spine and into his head. My aunt left with him to make sure that he was all right. People left after awhile. There was a family there who where friends of my cousin that came and their presence bothered me. They were dressed for a day at the park and the two little boys where sitting around snacking and playing in their chairs. I felt so angry because it seemed like they were just there for the air conditioning and tea and cakes instead of paying respect and honoring my grandma. I know that she doesn't mean anything to them, but do they have to come to her funeral and throw it into our faces that it means nothing to them. I wished those people hadn't come especially those croc and shorts wearing children. One of my mom's sisters and her husband where the last to come. She wore a leather skirt with a slit on the front of her left thigh. The woman wears this kind of shit to a funeral!? I wanted to close a folding chair on her head. We went to look at her one last time for the day. They wanted the family to go first and then the remaining people who were my other grandma, my stupid fucking aunt and her husband. I didn't want those three to be the last ones to look at her. So, my mom and dad went up and my sister and I told the other three to go. My other grandma started urging us to go up as if we weren't going to go at all, but I said, "We're going to do it we just want to be last," in a voice that was as calm as I could manage. Then me and sis went up with our dad. I looked at her for a long time and said, "Goodbye pau pau." I walked away crying any my stupid aunt tried to console me, but I just wanted to get her away from me as far as possible.

Monday was the burial and the hardest day I've had to live through so far. We had to be at the funeral home at 10 am. My mom felt "sick" before we left and she stayed home. My cousin was still feeling weak from the day before and stayed home as well. We got there and found my grandma where we left her the day before. I don't know why I was expecting to see the casket closed, but I was. We gathered before her before other people came that day and as we were there, a guy from a Buddhist ceremony next door came by playing a flute. I was so irked that I wanted to break his flute over my knee. A few more people came to view and pay their respects. Some people who had come the day before came again. I was weirded out when my other grandma sat in the family section when people came to pay their respects. When it was time to leave, the visitors viewed her one last time and then the family. After the last viewing they had us go back to where we sat when we greeted people. The people who worked there started to prep the casket and took down the flowers that were going with us to the cemetery. They put the clothes that we brought near her feet. Then they started to tuck the lining inside and lower her head. When they lowered her heard, my aunt said, "A ma," and my heart broke from hearing her say that. When they closed the casket, I thought, "NO!," and started to cry harder. Before that I could pretend that she was just sleeping, but closing her up in that box meant that that was the last time I ever got to see her.

My pau pau was buried at Mount Pleasant cemetery, which is about an hour away from our home. When we went up with the hearse each car was labeled with "son", "daughter" and "friend." When we got to the cemetery, everything happened so quickly. They unloaded her casket so quickly and the men who worked there were so rough with the casket. They shoved it around and I wanted to scream, "Be careful, she's in there!" They placed the flowers around her and the flower framed portrait was placed right in front of us while the pastor gave a speech. A huge seal was lowered to create this water tight box around her casket. One of the men stepped onto the seal to move it into place and unhook the chains used to lower it. When his feet hit the surface of the seal, both my sister and I cringed. This man from the funeral home took off our black arm ribbons and tied it around a red carnation with the green hair flower. My dad didn't have any flower and my aunt had a white one. We all took turns throwing our carnations in. After that everyone took a candy and a coin. Then it was back into the cars to go home. I know it's weird, but I didn't want to leave her there because she'd be alone. I was still crying when we got into the car. There isn't a headstone yet, but when it goes up it will have my grandfather's name on it too. When we got back to the city, we had the after funeral meal with everyone who came with us to the cemetery. Before we ate, we all had a taste of this clear wine and my sister, aunt and I put a red hair flower on.

I've never cried so much and so hard before. My pau pau is the first person who was close to me who passed away. Her funeral was the first one I ever went to. I'm upset that I never taped her at a family gathering. She had the sweetest laugh of anyone I've ever known. And now I'll never get to hear it again.

 
 


 
  2008.07.13  03.18
Stuffs

It's a girl! B is leaving on Tuesday and the new hire is some Asian chick. I heard that she wasn't even the favorite candidate, but she was the only one that wanted the job. Plus she's not very talky, which can't be a good thing considering how much interaction she is going to have with clients and vendors. Part of me wonders how long she will last.

Earlier this morning, my sewing machine semi-broke. The model I have now is the ol' Singer IZEK machine that is controlled using an old color Gameboy. The Gameboy died meaning that I can't use the software on the cartridge that contains information like stitch length and width, patterns and buttons holes. The only thing my machine can do is sew a normal, straight line at a length that is a touch longer than what I normally use when I sew. So, a few hours ago, I bought a new sewing machine. After clicking around, I went with the Juki HZL-35Z. Unlike my last machine, it has a zipper foot included in the deal. I just couldn't bring myself to buy one before because it seems like something that should come with every machine. I am a huge dork because I'm really excited that it has extra front feed dogs. Hopefully, I'll still be able to use my old machine for leather work. Now all I need is a better sewing space. =P

Since I bought the machine, I figured I might as well get other stuff I need. Which meant buying a few pairs of jeans and stuff at Sephora. I'm really picky about the color of jeans that I wear. It has to be very dark or I just feel weird about them. I don't like what I call, "Midwestern/Suburban Light Blue." It's just not for me. I currently have one nice pair that I pretty much wear every day. So I bought more just in case it gets messed up.

Earlier tonight, friends and I went to a comedy club to see Joel McHale from The Soup perform. It was a funny night and the opening guys were good too. I remember the last time I went to a comedy club, I could feel it dragging a bit. After the show we got to meet and hug Joel. He is super tall and totally nice.

 
 

(3 objections |I Object!!!)



 
  2008.07.02  22.57
Music at work.

Ever since my first day at work, I was told about this game everyone plays called "Radio Wars." Basically, when a song comes on the radio the first person to name the artist gets a point. If you get it wrong, you lose two points. This discourages guessing and makes you really have to know what you're saying before you shout something out.

Sometimes one of my coworkers brings in his XM radio for us to listen to when we go stir crazy from listening to the various rock stations at work. Radio commercials make we want to bang my head into a wall sometimes. With the XM radio, the display shows the artist for each song. This means that JD who doesn't know a lot about american music and rock, cheats and yells out what he reads. A song by The Clash came on once and he yells out, "Clash." I then said to him, "oh yeah? Name another Clash song." B murmurs something to him and then turns to me and says, "Tits and Hats." B and N burst out laughing. I chuckle. JD is super confused. After B leaves the room, JD asks N why we were all laughing. N tells him that "B said, 'Tits and Ass,' but you said, 'Tits and Hats.'"

Tits and Hats indeed.

Tomorrow I am having my belated 3 month review at work.

 
 

(I Object!!!)



 
  2008.07.01  20.50
Oh bog!

Sometimes my head/neck get so hot that it feels like my hair has its own sweat glands. I'm going to chop my hair off in the fall.

 
 

(I Object!!!)



 
  2008.06.24  22.29
Memories.

When I was a kid, school trips were the best thing ever. They were somewhat educational, but rarely boring. Over the years, I have been to museums, farming recreation villages, plays, musical performances, etc. The one trip that has clearly stayed in my mind over the years was a trip to the Wonder Bread factory.

The trip definitely took place when I was in elementary school. We first went to a boardroom to have a lecture about how bread was made there. Before going on the factory tour, all the kids had to put on hair nets. There were huge dumpster-like containers filled with bread dough everywhere. I remember a guy going from vat to vat punching down the dough that had already risen. Other stuff I remember was a floor scale that they used to weigh the vats and all the kids were allowed to walk over it to see how much we weighed. They made my cousin stand on it alone to she what she weighed. We were in the same class and she was known for being super skinny. When we went to the see the super industrial slicing machine, they gave each child a slice of bread fresh off the line. I remember being amazed at how the crust was still crusty and not soft like how it is when you pull it out of the bag. After the tour, we all went back to the boardroom where each kid had to say what their favorite part of the tour was and then they would get a Wonder Bread pencil. I told the lady, my favorite part was the huge machine that mixed the dough.

I think that pencil is still sitting in a cup somewhere in my parents' house.

 
 

(3 objections |I Object!!!)



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